Visual art, illustration, drawing, cartoons, comics, and sketches are a form of escape for me, escapism. It’s the one thing that comes a bit more naturally for me, as untrained as I am at it. I’m not a trained artist, and so I often draw in a childlike, “flat,” one-dimensional manner. But as bad as I am at it, it’s a stress relief for me, even more so than creative writing, journaling, and writing therapy. Writing is hard; it doesn’t come 100% naturally to me. The words sort of need to make sense on the page, somewhat. Whereas I find that visual art doesn’t need to make any sense. Especially doodles, comics, abstract art, and all forms of stylized and conceptual art.
I actually thought about becoming an animation artist, or maybe a graphic designer/illustrator, for my job, my career. But I eventually realized that visual arts are a stress relief for me, rather than a career. It’s more of a beloved hobby, and not my main bread and butter. I plan to teach English literature and ESL as my main thing, English as a second language. And I might also work in publishing companies, nonprofit organizations, and other settings.
I felt really leery about turning visual arts into my career, my 9-5, especially when I have other skills, other interests. It’s like someone who loves to sing in a choir, a church choir or a local community choir, deciding to pursue a professional career in singing and performing. It sounds like a fantastic plan at the face of it; but there are so many things wrong with that, too. It’s more of a personal passion project, a creative outlet, and an informal pursuit, for her. She loves it so much that she wants to keep it all low-key. It’s a stress relief and a joy, to her. It helps her keep an emotional balance. She doesn’t want to ruin it by intertwining it with “work” and professional expectations, guidelines, and everything.
My only real fear and concern is that “I hope the teaching goes ok.” I’m a little bit self-conscious about certain aspects of my appearance; certain birthmarks and discolorations, and my black skin and frizzy afro hair. And I’m kind of worried that there will be miscommunications and confusion because of the way I talk. I’m sort of soft-spoken and I tend to mumble when I talk. But I’ll try to talk as clearly as possible when I get into the classroom as a lead learner, a teacher. And I ultimately don’t think it’s that big of a deal, I don’t think anything about me is that big of a deal. I’ve actually had so many difficult encounters and abusive situations with people, with strangers and with peers/classmates/acquaintances, in the past. But I mean what are you gonna do? You have to take the good with the bad, in life. I’m just gonna keep doing what I’m doing and keep smiling. I’m trying my best.
Also: I’m currently in an online master’s in English literature with Eastern New Mexico University. All of my classes require attendance via live video conferences; they’re synchronous classes. And so I think that’ll be a really good opportunity and experience for me. It’ll get me talking and interacting with my peers, my fellow students in English lit. And after I graduate, I plan to teach high school and community college-level classes in English lit., composition writing, creative writing, and ESL. And I’ll always be drawing and illustrating on the side, in my spare time; and I’ll be writing my poetry collections and personal essay collections. And I’ll self-publish when done, and post them all on my blog, social media, and etc. Literature, creative writing, and art.
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If I had chosen visual arts or mental health counseling//professional counseling for my career, I don’t think that would have been setting myself up for success. Visual arts are a side hobby for me; and counseling is a whole other ball park. Who knows if I would have liked it or not. And why gamble with one’s career choice. Why search far and wide. Just choose what you know you like and what you know you can do. Don’t overthink it. | My bachelor’s degree was in liberal studies, or liberal arts and sciences. Meaning, I took a little bit of almost everything. I completed all my general education requirements, my gen eds–math, science, history, English literature, foreign language, social science, etc. And on top of that, I had to complete classes from several different academic disciplines. And so I took additional classes in literature, social studies, writing, and communications. Different subjects, but they were all writing-related and in the humanities and social sciences. And so the main theme in my liberal studies program was “expression in writing and arts.”
Sometimes I get the feeling that us blacks and people of color are better suited for certain types of work environments over others. I feel that I myself would actually have a better time adjusting to a one-on-one, contained setting as a therapist or a social worker; rather than leading a classroom as a teacher. I mean I feel that my own acquaintances and family members have mentioned to me, “Why don’t you go into counseling, or social work? You’ll get to help people with their problems; and it’s all in a one-on-one, confidential setting. And you’ll be on a neutral basis with the clients, more or less. And it’s a helping profession, and so it’s very suitable for us as ethnic and racial minorities. We understand personal struggle and mental pain as much as anyone.” Etc., etc. And so there was some general advice from my family members and acquaintances to go into professional counseling, social work, and similar fields. But I like literature and writing, I guess, and visual arts. I don’t know if I wanna help people with their problems as much as I want to share the joy of writing and literature. | And literature itself is therapeutic; it’s been such a help for me throughout my own life. If I can encourage my students to read and grow spiritually and intellectually through literature, then that would be great. I can make a difference in that way. And so I’ll be helping others and everything, but in a different way.
And I’m actually a paranoid schizophrenic myself, and I take meds for it every day and see my psychiatrist regularly. And so I kind of know the ins and outs of psychiatric and mental health services, from being a patient myself. And a lot of schizophrenics, and others with serious mental illnesses, are really creative. So they’re actually well suited for the creative world, and perhaps academia, teaching, and etc. It’s not that uncommon actually; there are a lot of teachers, professors, and creatives with serious disorders and conditions. The rainbow of the human race.
| But I kind of wish I didn’t have some of the problems I did in the past–even while I was completing school/going through uni. I just feel that some of the challenges I faced were kind of crazy. I can’t see the logic in it. Why did it happen that way? But I’m learning to accept it and find stillness and peace. And I’m ready to begin healing and recovering. I’m turning over a new leaf; I don’t wanna be sad, distressed, or anything, anymore.
**thank you.*
a portfolio 